Cry of the Falcon : Home

Cry of the Falcon
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Corporal Tani Nadya felt tired, she had a terrible headache and her eyes were sore and swollen from crying. Even though she was sitting in a comfortable chair, her back ached. Her baby son Hajime lay kicking his legs and gurgling happily in her lap, too young to comprehend what had happened to his father. Her counsellor, sitting in the chair next to hers, urged her to keep talking.

‘How can I cope with this? How?’ she bounced Hajime gently on her knees ‘I only married Hayato a year ago, I loved that man so much and he was my whole life, now he’s dead! What do I tell Hajime when he grows up and asks where his daddy is?’

She broke down again and sobbed loudly, her whole body shaking.

‘Nadya,’ the counsellor said gently ‘you have to take this one day at a time. I know you loved him very much, your grief is still new, you’re still raw. It’s going to take some time, and you have to be kind to yourself.’

‘It’s so unfair!’ Nadya wept ‘We were really happy, and Hayato was ecstatic when Hajime was born. And then someone killed him and I don’t even know who did it, or why!!’

‘Life is rarely fair.’ the counsellor told her ‘That's one of the realities we have to learn to deal with as we get older.’

‘But how do you learn to let go?’ Nadya sobbed ‘What do you do when part of you wants to accept what's happened, and part of you doesn't want to get used to the fact that someone you love has gone?’

‘You have to learn to give yourself time. Give yourself a chance to come to terms with this. Accept the feelings as they come, and deal with them as they come...and believe that the pain is not bottomless. You've already begun the healing process.’

‘It doesn’t feel that way.’ Nadya lamented ‘I just feel like one never-ending, howling pain. Every part of me hurts. Half of me has gone. I know exactly what Niamh felt like when she said she hadn’t felt whole since the day her husband died. But you know what, I should have seen it coming....after what happened two weeks ago, when we were driving home. I should have seen it coming and I didn't, and now he's gone!’

The counsellor leaned forward. She gave Nadya her full, sympathetic attention.

‘Tell me about that...what happened that day?’

Nadya’s eyes started to brim with tears as she remembered.

* * *

Tani was driving his car back to his compound from Yokohama, with Nadya in the back, keeping a watchful eye on Hajime, in his baby seat, chirping happily to himself. Tani kept twisting round in the driver’s seat to talk to Nadya, which always ended up in a playful slap on the shoulder and his wife telling him to keep his eyes focused on the road.

There was a hill coming up, and then a turn off to the left, by Tokyo Bay. They made their way down the road, slowly at first, but then started to gather speed. Tani pressed his foot down on the brake pedal, but it made no difference. Trying not to panic, he slammed his foot down, whilst Nadya called out to him from the back:

‘Uh, honey, you might want to slow down a bit since we’re going downhill,’ she joked, in a sarcastic voice. She noticed the badly concealed look of anxiety. ‘Honey? What’s the matter?’

Panic seeped into Nadya as her husband refused to answer her. She snapped at him to tell her what was wrong, in which he turned around with a pained expression.

‘Somebody’s fucked with the car’s brakes.’

‘Shit!’ exclaimed Nadya.

She craned to get a view out of the front window as Tani tried to steer the car away from Tokyo Bay. Nadya could not help but notice that no matter what he did, they were still on a collision course with the water.

Soon the car was racing down the hill at tremendous speeds, right at the water. Nadya was holding onto Hajime’s baby seat tightly. She let out a scream as the car veered off the road and splashed into the water. It started to sink immediately, and was rapidly filling up with water. Tani was trying to release his seatbelt, but it would not free him. Nadya pulled up the bottom of her left trouser leg and slipped out the small knife she always kept tucked away, in case of emergencies, and started to frantically saw at Tani’s seatbelt.

‘No, Nadya!’ cried the General, ‘don’t worry about me, save yourself and Hajime!’

‘No, I won’t leave you Tani!’

‘Take Hajime and escape while you can, the pair of you, you’re all that matter! Get out of here while you’ve got the chance!’

Nadya froze momentarily, torn between saving her husband and saving their only son. She was hesitating, looking between the pair, and then reached for Hajime, just before the water level went over his head. She thrust the baby into Tani’s arms and continued to hack at his seatbelt, not relenting until he was free. He passed Hajime back to her, and tried to open the door, but it was not going to budge. He then smashed the nearest window with his elbow. Nadya turned her back away as shards of broken glass went flying around.

Tani gave his door one last kick to see whether it would open or not, but it remained unresponsive. He managed to force himself out of the broken window, nearly avoiding the jagged glass, but not managing it entirely. It scored long lines down his sides as he pushed himself out.

The level of water had risen considerably whilst Tani struggled to break free. He turned back to the car to find both Hajime and Nadya up to their necks in icy cold water. Nadya dipped her head above the surface and took a deep breath, trying to keep the infant above water as well. She sank down a few centimetres and banged on the window, screaming her husband’s name underwater. Large bubbles came flying from out of her mouth.

He wrenched the door open, nearly tearing it clean off its hinges, and found baby Hajime bundled into his arms, as Nadya practically threw herself out of the sinking car.

* * *

Nadya looked down at her son, tears trickling freely down her cheeks. She sighed, and wiped them away, holding onto Hajime with one hand.

‘Can you continue, Nadya?’ the counsellor asked her, sympathetically. ‘I know it’s hard…but it’ll make it so much easier if you could go on.’

Nadya ignored her question.

It’s been three years since Hiro was killed. When he died, part of me died too….I’ve never felt whole since that day. I miss him so much…

‘I finally know what she meant,’ muttered Nadya, distraught. The counsellor looked puzzled.

‘You finally know what who meant?’

‘Niamh. My colleague. Tani’s other Corporal. She lost her husband about four years ago, and told me that she never felt whole, never really, truly happy without him. I know what she means now. Without Tani…I feel exactly the same things she did.’

‘I understand what you’re going through, Nadya. What happened after that incident? Tell me about when Tani died,’ commanded the counsellor, softly.

Nadya took a deep breath and started her recollection.

* * *
A week later after the incident at Tokyo Bay, Nadya entered Tani’s office at his compound, baby Hajime fast asleep in her arms, breathing softly. Her husband looked up at her, and cast her a weak smile before averting his gaze back down to the paperwork he was rifling through on his desk.
He sighed, ran his fingers through his jet black hair and sighed again, still not looking at his wife and son. Nadya perched on the edge of his desk, and stroked the side of his face. His flesh was warm to the touch. She cuddled Hajime, a warm, maternal feeling spreading through her.

‘Isn’t he just gorgeous?’ she said to Tani. He did not reply, and she poked his arm. ‘Oi!’

‘What?’ he replied, in a tired, distracted and anxious voice. He glanced up momentarily, ‘yeah, really cute.’

Nadya rolled her eyes, and wondered what was on Tani’s mind. She supposed that it must have been the accident with the car at Tokyo bay, when they all came so close to drowning, and plus the subsequent threats that he had been receiving, which led to his contacting the police. She reminded herself that Tani may not always be able to give her his full attention when at work because of the amount of stress and strain he was under. But it started to annoy her when his inattentiveness spread to when he was at home with her and Hajime. His attitude had definitely changed for the worst since Tokyo Bay.

The telephone on his desk started to ring. Nadya reached to pick it up for Tani who got there first. He had a brief and concise conversation with the person on the other end, and as soon as he has hung up, starts to get up from behind the desk and leave the office.

‘W - wait a minute!’ called Nadya. ‘Where are you going?’

‘I’ve just got something I need to get from my car,’ he replied.

‘Don’t I at least get a goodbye anymore?’

Tani walked back over to her and kissed her on the lips, and stroking Hajime’s head and then leaving. Nadya stayed in his office, looking thoughtfully through the files, and reading them, but not finding any of them particularly interesting.

‘God, look at all the boring things your daddy has to do,’ whispered Nadya to Hajime, her mouth level with the slumbering infant’s tiny ears. She kissed him softly on the back of his head.

She sat in her husband’s vacated seat, Hajime in her lap, watching the clock as the minutes slipped by.

Half an hour later, she got up again, stretching the best she could without dropping the baby. She wondered where Tani was, and noted that he was taking a very long time just to get something from his car. She sighed, and looked at the clock. The phone rang again, and she hurriedly picked it up.

‘Hello?’

‘Nadya, thank God, you’re still there.’

‘Yes, I’m still here. Where the hell are you, Tani? You said that you were going to get something from your car, and that was ages ago, for fuck’s sake!’ snapped Nadya, impatience giving her tone a nasty bite.

‘Sorry, sorry, there’s just a few other things that I need to do. Hopefully, I won’t be too long. Look, listen to me for a second. I need you to speak to Corporal Dan, okay?’

‘What about?’

‘I want you to discuss training schedules with him. Alright?’

‘Alright. Please come back soon, honey,’ replied Nadya tentatively, a bit embarrassed about her snapping at him.

‘Don’t worry, I wi-’

Tani was cut off by the sound of a huge explosion, followed by the line going totally dead. Before the phone was cut off, she could distinctly hear in the background the sound of smashing glass, as the windows were blown out from the force of the explosion. Nadya panicked and hung up. She then foolishly got the number of the phone Tani had dialled from called attempted to call him back, but could not get through. Fear was sweeping through her entire body, holding her at the core. She knew that she needed to see if her husband was alright, and shook herself free of the chill that was keeping her in place. Holding onto Hajime firmly, she ran as fast as she could manage to the underground parking lot.

When she reached her destination, she saw Corporal Dan already there, making his way over to her.

‘Dan, what’s happened, please, tell me what’s going on! What’s happened to Tani, what was the explosion, is he okay? Please, oh God, please tell me he’s okay! Please, he has to be, he just has to be!’ Nadya was frantic and her words were coming out jumbled.

Somebody else made their way over to the pair and relieved Nadya of baby Hajime for she did something stupid like drop him in her distress. She was trying to get past Dan, trying to get a view of what was going on, inside the parking lot. She managed to slip around him and tries to get inside, but the security staff refused to let her past.

‘You have to let me in, I need to see my husband!’ screamed Nadya, looking ready to punch somebody.

‘I’m sorry ma’am, but I can’t do that.’

‘Like fuck you can’t!’ screamed Nadya vulgarly.

She was about to try and wrestle her way past the man she had just screamed at when Corporal Dan seized her and dragged her away.

‘Let me in, let me in!’ she yelled at him. ‘LET ME FUCKING GO!’

‘You can’t go in, it’s not safe!’

Nadya kicked at Dan, and then slapped the security staff and made her way to the parking lot, but stopped at the entrance when she saw the scene before her. Every window had been smashed in. The cars around had been damaged badly by the explosion, but not as badly as the car that was directly in the centre of the explosion, that was still aflame. The blaze was reaching the ceiling of the parking lot, and the fire fighters were having difficulties putting it out. It was burnt beyond recognition. The flames had melted parts of the vehicle, and it was impossible to tell the colour of it. But that did not make the slightest bit of difference. Nadya may not have been able to recognise the car anymore, but she knew. In her deepest fears, and in the depths of her sinking heart, she knew.

Tani was dead.

Nadya could not move, her hands pressed against her mouth, tears falling freely down her face. She looked around, almost in a daze.

‘My son,’ she whispered. ‘Where is my son?’

Dan pointed at the man who had taken him off her. Nadya walked swiftly over to him and snatched Hajime away, cuddling him close to her, searching vainly for comfort in her’s and Tani’s baby boy.

She turned back to look at the entrance of the parking lot, her breath coming out in anguished gasps and hiccups. Dan rested a comforting hand on her shoulder as she started to sob louder.

Another Certified Fire Investigator, or CFI, came out, and walked over to his comrade nearby. Nadya listened into their conversation, while Dan nervously kept an eye on her, in case she did something idiotic.

‘Look at this, I just found it by the car,’ said the CFI to his colleague. Nadya craned to see and could just about make out a small golden band being handed over. His wedding ring.

‘Is that it?’

‘Yeah. Had a good long look around the place, and that ring as all that I could find. Ain’t gonna be nothing else there. Real bad damage to the car though. It’s so badly out of shape, it looks like it’s been twisted. Crushed like a drinks can.’

‘Shut up, shut up, just shut the fuck up!’ screamed Nadya, looking lividly at the two CFI’s.

‘Come on, you’ve seen enough, let’s get you out of here,’ said Dan softly, trying to pull her away.

* * *